Its the time of year when our social calendar begins to raise questions .
What are our work/ life priorities and who do we please or excuse ourselves to ?
What a great time to look at understanding our personal boundaries .
What is a boundary?
Boundaries define what we are and what we are not responsible for.
We are responsible for – our feelings, our needs, our behaviours, living according to our values and how we give and receive love.
So this means we are NOT responsible for other peoples feelings, behaviours, and values etc.
What are some ways to establish boundaries ?
Firstly – Ascertain exactly what’s happening in the scenario. Where are you taking responsibility for others, or allowing them to control you? Next see if you can identify the need which you are trying to meet- i.e. is it acceptant, admiration, love etc? Then see if it is possible for this need to be met in a different way. to do this you have to be honest about your needs and able to reach out to others to have them satisfied.
How can we practice setting boundaries ? One technique is to start with very small steps. Try setting a perusal boundary with people who support and understand you. These are obviously not people who have been manipulative with you in the past. With regard to those who fall into the category of trying to control or manipulate you in the past, the best strategy is one of forgiveness. If you are still wanting them to apologise they are still able to control you because they can withhold from you, what you need. As we all know, forgiveness creates freedom. Likewise , learning to respond, and not react to others, allows you to have the control, as you will have options and choices rather than reacting and behaving in a way you wouldn’t normally chose to.
So launch in to the festive season with these tips in mind and practice some good boundary setting for the New Year and any challenges it may bring.
The Springboard Series